As We Are Meant To Be
I have always been a society statistic of some sort. I was born to unwed parents. I became a mom my junior year of high school. By the time I turned 20, I learned I was mom to a child diagnosed with autism.
I had no idea what I was going to do. At the time, I didn’t know how common autism was. I just knew I was more terrified for my child than I had been before. At first I blamed myself, thinking it was something I had done during my pregnancy, given that I had hidden it until I was 21 weeks along. Fortunately, the doctor reassured me that it’s just something that happens. I spent the next few months finding my child the specialists he needed to be “normal”: speech therapist, nutritionist, psychologist--all the help one considers when trying to “fix” a child.
I did my best to be a conscientious parent. I attended all his parent-teacher conferences at school, made sure his needs were met, got his eating habits to expand little by little, had his shots up to date, hearing and eyesight checked every appointment—things every parent would do for their child to ensure health and well-being. In fact, it wasn’t until this year that I even told him he was on the autistic spectrum. I felt as if telling him would make him feel like he’s unusual and out of place, and he’s never out of place. He is exactly how he was meant to be.
Being the mom of an autistic child has had its difficult times, I admit. When he was younger, we had pillows around the house for when he had a fit. He’d slam his head on the tile, almost making us have to get him a helmet before he suddenly grew out of it. We had wet wipes in bulk due to him not liking having anything on his hands. He’d cry in fear almost at the sight or touch of things on his hands. Headphones were our best friend when traveling because sound seemed much louder to him than to others (air travel was particularly challenging).
Looking back, I don’t think I’d change anything about what I did as a parent. I did the best I could under the circumstances. My child is now fourteen years old and the teenage years are going as well as one would expect. I’ve taught him that there isn’t anything wrong with him and that he may need a little extra help, but other people do as well. My one goal in life was for him never to feel as if he didn’t fit in, or that he was different in a negative way. Asking him, I think I succeeded.
As he grew up, I realized that he wasn’t broken, that there was nothing wrong with him, and that he was a “normal” child; he just had a special part of him that needed a little boost. In addition, I realized that I wasn’t broken either. I’m a regular mom meeting the many challenges of being a parent, just like anyone else raising a child. I get my boost from all I have learned from him, like how to be unapologetically myself and to live life as happy as I can be. The world is cruel to those of us who don’t fall into the categories society says we have to. We’ve chosen to live our way and to ignore what the world says.
We are exactly as we are meant to be.
Written by Stevie Thompson, April 13, 2021